Wednesday, December 10, 2008

If Marriage Were Like In The Bible

Since our Proposition 8 proponents are using The Bible as an excuse to try to be discriminatory against a significant part of the human race, we should explore applying those same standards. If we are to let the Bible define what "traditional marriage" should look like, then our marriage laws should be amended as such:

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women.
(Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives.
(II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed.
(Deut 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden.
(Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce.
(Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law.
(Gen 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it is required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with him (even if he had previously offered you up as a sex toy to men young and old), tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. Of course, this rule applies only if you are female.
(Gen 19:31-36)

props to daily kos for this gem

Monday, June 23, 2008


R.I.P. George Carlin.
You formed my entire sarcastic analytical outlook on life.
Your albums got worn smooth from repeated plays over and over.
I met you in an elevator in the 4 Seasons Toronto 18 yrs ago and was dumbfounded as you were standing there with a little white dog that you'd think you'd do a routine about.
I didn't know what to say to you, it was just me, you and the dog in a long elevator ride down.
I instinctively said "Hey, that's a pretty mellow dog."
You said "He's a very well adjusted dog."
Then I waited, not wanting to be another gushing fanboy, til just before the elevator doors opened and looked him in the eyes and said, "Mr. Carlin, I just want to thank you for all the work you've done, I've been a huge fan of yours almost my entire life."

He said "Well thank you very much".

And away we went on our separate ways.

I'm punching out now....


Thursday, May 15, 2008